DM of the Rings CXXVII:
An Offer You Can’t Refuse

By Shamus
on Jul 20, 2007
Filed under:
DM of the Rings


A poorly veiled threat.

Players tend to stay on the rails better when you place obvious landmines on either side of the tracks.

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20201656 comments. It's getting crowded in here.

From the Archives:

  1. Wtrmute says:

    Somehow, I’m reminded of The Godfather. I bet the Undead King’s voice is really raspy, too…

    • Phil says:

      Well, knowing Paul, the actor playing CarcassKing, personally, I can ask him and see what he says.
      I’ve forwarded his excerpts in the strip onto him, and he’s been loving it – absolutely ROTFL and wondering why PJ and the guys didn’t script it this way – so much more believable, he thinks (being a Roleplayer himself) (:

  2. Evrae says:

    great stuff.
    “after a few days of working with you we’ve come to appreciate just how good we had it down there.”
    priceless
    i gotta remember that for my players.

  3. Cenobite says:

    “Players tend to stay on the rails better when you place obvious landmines on either side of the tracks.” That is SUCH an awesome killer quote. Needs to be on a T-shirt.

  4. scldragonfish says:

    Stonagorn has this look on his face like “Aw man, I just lost my buzz!”

  5. Vinchenze says:

    Yeah i’m finally up there in the numbers!!!

  6. scldragonfish says:

    Wtrmute Says:
    Somehow, I’m reminded of The Godfather. I bet the Undead King’s voice is really raspy, too…

    THANK YOU FOR INVITING US TO THE DAY OF ENORMOUS FIGHT AGAINST INSURMOUNTABLE ODDS. I HOPE YOUR FIRST HOBBIT IS A MASCULINE HOBBIT AND DOES NOT COVET OTHER HOBBITS AND THEIR PERSONAL POSSESSIONS.

  7. Vinchenze says:

    Sorry i had a moment there where i thought they would and could kill him.

  8. Jochi says:

    “But we could change our minds and decide to stop not killing you.”
    (snickering) I bet that took Aragourd several seconds to parse.
    “That’s all I’m saying.”

    Oh, and seventh (or ninth) post:
    http://www.startrek.com/startrek/mediaview?id=2043164

  9. The expression on King Carcass’ face in panel 4 is oddly casual and conversational– it’s like Jackson’s CGI team was planning ahead for the existence of this strip.

  10. Marmot says:

    The latest punchline numbers among the “most awesome of all times” fellowship. Incredible!

  11. The Old Master says:

    NICE! I love undead with a since of humor. Besides, who can argue with Thousands of years of Logic?

  12. The Old Master says:

    OH! and Kudo’s to the strip. You have shown masterfully on many levels how to control players on a very linear plot.

  13. Jurrubin says:

    “Players tend to stay on the rails better when you place obvious landmines on either side of the tracks.”

    Or to put it another way, when you discover the hole you’re digging is your own grave, stop digging!

  14. roxysteve says:

    It just occurred to me that the undead have the win in this one. They can’t be hurt since they can de-manifest any time they want, and they can plague the team until the three amigos beg them to leave. Imagine.

    “resting”

    DM “sorry, no sooner are you asleep than you are awakened by a sanity-blasting half-rotten corpse next to your face. It instantly vanishes as you give an involuntary shout, waking the others”.

    “resting again then. Sheesh”

    DM “sorry, no sooner are you asleep than you are awakened by a sanity-blasting half-rotten corpse next to your face. It instantly vanishes. Shouting. Waking up. Etc”.

    “Is this going to happen all night?”

    DM “Yes”

    “It’s morning then”.

    DM “Okeydoke. You are all fatigued. I’ll wait while you look it up in the book”

    After a few nights like this, and some inventive cumulative modifiers, even Aragormless will be able to do the math.

    Steve.

  15. Lefty says:

    Am I the first to spot the potential that the Undead King’s speech is a sly Red Dwarf reference? [from the Holoship episode where they’re screening other holographic crewmembers]

  16. Scarlet Knight says:

    “Leave the dagger; take the lembas…”

  17. Al Shiney says:

    I second the vote for the “rails” comment to appear on a t-shirt … priceless wisdom from the Sage.

    By the way, everybody keep Shamus in your thoughts and prayers as he undergoes gall bladder surgery today (see July archive for details if you aren’t aware).

    Godspeed Shamus, I wish you just enough pain that they give you some really kickin’ meds, followed by a speedy and pain-free recovery!

  18. Hanov3r says:

    Am I the only person that sees a distinct familial resemblance betwixt Aragorn and the King of the Deadies?

  19. Aaron says:

    CLASSIC. Undead ftw! Again the screencap-fu is of high quality. Shamus you rock!

    I’ve had my gall bladder out, and it’s not fun, but at least they give you good drugs afterwards. My nurse gave me a nice injection of demoral immediatly after I woke up in recovery. I made sure to tell her “I love you” with my wife sitting next to me when she did it ;) You’ll be totally fine Shamus, but I’ll keep you in my thoughts :)

  20. Takkelmaggot says:

    I swear Red Dwarf used this one in season five (Holoship, specifically)… A very obscure reference, but here it is.
    Woman: No. No, I think I’m better off where I am.
    Cat: But you’re dead!
    Woman: And meeting you guys has really made me appreciate it a whole lot more.

    Shamus, your punchline is funnier by a full order of magnitude.

  21. Dean Steinlage says:

    I hear you on the gall bladder.
    Good luck and a speedy recovery.

  22. Keldin says:

    Best of luck on the surgery, Shamus! I’m gonna assume that was why you had no “first post” gag.

    I like the way the King of the Undead turns the tables on old Aragormless.

  23. Caius says:

    I love how characters are so sure that the DM will not put anything in the game that could outright kill them, that they get a God complex. Just to deflate there egoes, you need to kill them once in a while.

  24. Ishmael says:

    I am reminded of a comic I saw once, can’t remember which one… but the scene was of a map, with something like “You Are Here” written in the middle and arrows pointing out in all directions. At the end of one of the arrows it said “Adventure.” At the end of every other arrow it said “Thar be dragons.”

    I have a feeling it was a pretty well known comic and I ought to remember which one. ^^;

  25. Zaghadka says:

    Any Douglas Adams fans in the house? ;^P

    RELEASE US OR YOU WILL BE LATE!

    (What font are ya’ using for the undead?)

  26. haashaastaak says:

    g’luck w th surgery!

  27. Jochi says:

    Och, gallbladder.

    I echo Aaron, having it removed isn’t fun, but it sure beats passing gallstones, or NOT passing them.

    Doing without it hasn’t affected my diet much, and I have pretty scars to scare the kiddies with. :)

  28. txknight says:

    Lol! This sorta reminds me of a recent Shadowrun game when one of the players made a deal with a guy to not kill him if he released his hostage. After he did so and started walking off, the player reminded the bad guy that he only promised that HE wouldn’t kill him, he made no guaruntees about the rest of us…

  29. xbolt says:

    Shamus said:
    “Players tend to stay on the rails better when you place obvious landmines on either side of the tracks.”

    You gotta love it. :D

    And best of luck with your surgery today!

  30. Deoxy says:

    Shamus said:
    “Players tend to stay on the rails better when you place obvious landmines on either side of the tracks.”

    I am reminded of another great quote:

    “I hate this campaign.”

    If that sentiment becomes TOO strong (beyond mere humor), they might MAKE USE of those readily available land mines…

    But yes, a T-shirt-worthy quote, for sure!

  31. Ambidexter says:

    Sometimes a DM has to nudge the players slightly to keep them from doing completely stupid things.

    BTW, will the gall bladder thing delay the next strip?

  32. oldschoolGM says:

    Hilarious! And best wishes with regards to your surgery and hopefully speedy and smooth recovery.

  33. rosignol says:

    That is SUCH an awesome killer quote. Needs to be on a T-shirt.

    Better:

    http://diy.despair.com/show.php?file=poster4761100.jpg

    (link will be good for about a week)

    Good luck going under the knife.

  34. Old Man Matt says:

    Best of luck with the surgery Shamus. I hope everything goes well.

  35. Oona says:

    I had my gall bladder removed last year and it was a breeze compared to my hernia repair surgery. I was in the hospital for only one night and I got three more scars to go with the other five I already had (I asked him to try to cut in the same places but they obviously ignored me. The nerve of those doctors!). Anyway, good luck and take the opportunity to get lots of rest (maybe some extra strips, nudge nudge wink wink)!
    Awesome strip, as always!

  36. Dugel says:

    First time posting, but I have enjoyed this strip for about 2 months now. Good luck and God Bless on the surgery.

  37. Salen says:

    The Undead king has a point. Now that’s pretty scary.

  38. Ahh, soo sweet!

    The Ghost King is totally one of the est characters in this whole strip series :D

  39. ravells says:

    quite brilliant!

    Ravs

  40. Little Gen says:

    Good luck with the surgery, hope you get enough drugs (could tell some horror stories…) and get well soon!

    (That’s so we can get more of this schtuff… Addicted, me? I can stop anytime I want…)

  41. paulus says:

    Oona, apparently you cant cut along (Or near) Scar tissue. I dont know why, but that was what I was told.

  42. ArchU says:

    Super! I laughed well =)

    “But we could change our minds and decide to stop not killing you.”
    I must remember to use this line against exploitative PCs…

  43. Marksreturn says:

    I think the idea is that scar tissue is tough, already damaged enough, and maybe doesn’t heal as well as healthy tissue.

    Pure speculation there.

  44. Medium Dave says:

    Gall Bladder surgery, as things-which-cause-you-to-be opened-up-with-tools go, is fairly routine, and the recovery is pretty quick. You could be on your feet in no time at all, just watch the fatty foods later on.

    Heal up and take care.

  45. Scarlet Knight says:

    It’s always a shame when a good organ goes bad. To think, Shamus’s gall bladder is a stoner. And it comes from such a proud GI tract, too. Well, I blames the owner… Spent too much time worrying about his stomach & colon if ye ask me! Acry for attention, that’s what it is!

  46. Librain says:

    33 rosignol Says:

    That is SUCH an awesome killer quote. Needs to be on a T-shirt.

    Better:

    http://diy.despair.com/show.php?file=poster4761100.jpg

    Awesome dude, but T-shirts would be better. Then you can walk around in public proudly displaying your geekness for people to go “I don’t get it, what the hell is that supposed to mean” at.

    Librain
    “I’m not arrogant, I really am that good.”

  47. mocking bird says:

    Did he use the Beavis Cornholio voice when he said ‘Are you threatening me?’

  48. Toil3T says:

    You’ve been watching Star Trek Voyager, haven’t you? I swear this situation comes up after the temporary alliance with the Borg.
    (Thanks to the reminder from Jochi, post #8)

  49. Good thing I’ve got my own studio now, without any roommate I could startle awake. This last bubble had me laughing as I hadn’t in months.

  50. Michael says:

    “Stop not killing you”? That’s right up there with
    “I haven’t said ‘I will not kill today’ today.”

    That’s a great line. I know there’s a bunch of similar great quotes out there.

  51. ultrasroma1975 says:

    “after a few days of working with you we’ve come to appreciate just how good we had it down there.”

    I agree. This is one of the most funny quote of the entire comic hahaha

  52. ERROR says:

    “But we could change your minds and decide to stop not killing you.” I just love how he put that. It was as if it took effort to not kill him.

  53. me says:

    you have to admit the ghosts #$%^ing asked for it after that $#%@they pulled with the treasure buried under a ton of skulls….

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