|Spoiler Warning||By Shamus||Jul 22, 2011||216 comments|
We quote a bit of Die Hard in this episode. Trivia: Mumbles saw Die Hard for the first time ever last week. Welcome to the party, pal.
We’ve been raving about the game, but some people are still foggy on the details of why we like Half-Life 2 so much. So here is Rutkarn’s answer, taken directly from the episode. (As nearly as I could, given the combat sounds and the other two idiots talking over him.) THIS is Half-Life 2, as made by ANY OTHER FPS STUDIO:
Here is a run down of what would have happened if any other studio had made this:
Cutscene intro: NEW YORK – You see citizens being mowed down in the streets. A narration plays over, “It is the future. Aliens have invaded the planet and begun oppressing the masses. Humankind can make no defense against it. But now, GORDON FREEMAN is being released by the G-man…”
Gordon wakes up: What? What’s going on? You’d better start giving me some answers, G-man!
GMAN: Well, Freeman… you are my pawn in this matter. I’m sending you to this place for my own reasons. Go kill some dudes.
You arrive there, and your sexilicious bikini babe companion will immediately start accompanying you, spouting wise-cracking one-lines and getting hung up on the environment while you go through the vert narrow New York streets, firing uninspiring guns and hiding behind cover.
And your enemies would be called, like… the Necro-forms. And they would all be these horrible half-human creatures that would howl and shriek.
And then the final boss would be the G-man.
Valve, thank you for not making that game.
Next week we’ll be back in the Mojave Desert. See you there.