DM of the Rings CXXIII:
You Go, Girl

 By Shamus Jul 11, 2007 110 comments


Eowyn faces the Nazgul. Nice sneak attack.
Shing! Eowyn delivers the stabbening.

Not much to this one, but I had to play it fairly straight. There are a lot of funny things the Nazgul and Eowyn might say to each other, but the problem is that they are both NPCs being played by our hapless DM, and he would take this all very seriously. Once the story is over I think I’ll come back and re-visit this scene as a more direct parody.

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  1. Aries says:

    …and just to add insult yo injury…what happened to the totaly needed ‘kill stealing’ joke?

    methinks this can only end badly for our murdering warrioress and midget…

    and the immortal question comes to mind:

    if a nasgul dies on the battlefield to a kill stealing shield maiden can you still ninja the lewt?

  2. Zippy Wonderdog says:

    lol Fefe that was some funny shit :D
    I don’t think I’ll ever be able to watch the LotR again with a straight face :)

  3. Jimmy says:

    Shouldn’t there also have been some scene between the king and the lass that stabs the NazGhul??

    Maybe along the lines of:

    “Eowyn, I know that you are a woman, but sometime soon you are going to have sew my armor back together so why don’t you get your sewing-bag and start fixing it?”
    “But, sire, I didn’t have room for it in my backpack. I had to carry a hobbit with me and this big sword.
    Anyway, I have to prove to all of you that women are just as men so I will recklessly attack the first foe I come across…..”
    Eowyn notices the witchking.
    “Maybe I can sew up his robes for him???? GULP??”

    Good one on the ITHC though!

  4. Phil says:

    Punchline should have been a DM comment on the lines of “Ooh, enough xp in that kill to take both Eowyn and Merry straight up a level – two levels actually – but don’t worry I’ll do that after the session”.

    Followed by a despairing unison “WHAT?” from the 3 other characters…

    :-)

  5. superfluousk says:

    I think the joke to make here is that Aragorn is going to start bitching about how he’s going to have to go in and rescue Eowyn from the evil demon thing, and isn’t it just like a woman to give you a rash and then expect you to come to her rescue as soon as she gets herself into trouble, but at least he’ll finally get to fight some sort of interesting mob! And then Eowyn killsteals him. Again.

  6. superfluousk says:

    Actually, we’ve been over this before. :) When Ugluk captured them, he dropped the elven daggers — presumably the elven magic inherent to them was aversive to him. “He threw them away as if they burned him,” was the exact quote. Aragorn and co picked up the daggers before they left, and gave them back to the hobbits at Isengard. So either way, they have them back.

    >50 Woerlan Says:

    >July 11th, 2007 at 6:33 pm
    >Actually in the movie Merry was supposedly using an elven dagger. Question is, didn’t he lose it when they got captured?

  7. -Chipper says:

    Sarah Says: “Aren’t they more surprised to see Merry, who disappeared a lot longer ago… is he another NPC now or did that player stop in for an evening?”

    I said: “Definitely an NPC. No way this DM would allow a loose cannon like a PC to get in the way of this epic battle!”

    Actually after thinking about it, wouldn’t it have been perfect if in this session, the GM allowed his girlfriend to play Eowyn? That sort of kill-stealing would be right along the lines of this campaign.

  8. Hoyce says:

    I honestly expected “Aragorn” and “Gimli” to tell “Legolas” that since he is a woman he should sick the Nazgul king.

    Perhaps too obvious…

  9. Vermont Gal says:

    Hmm…Al Shiney…let me assure you there’s nothing more interesting than listening to the DM do a “one-man show” monologue with him/her self.

    PS…Don’t fireball my character!

  10. John C. says:

    Gimli didn’t start the Conan references here. Remember Stonergorn’s comment when the DM finally gets Anduril to him (one of my favorites in the series).

    Another out for the swords in the movie is that Saruman directed the Uruk-hai to bring back the hobbits “unspoiled.” The hobbits get picked up and carried off after Boromir’s death, and next we see them they are bound and being carried. It’s no great leap to assume that when they are bound up the orcs include the swords with their gear, per the instructions.

  11. Geoffrey says:

    If this happened with my old group, I could imagine something like this:

    Witch-King: “No man can kill me!”

    Aragorn: “Wait a minute: there’s a dwarf here, an elf, an army of undead, orcs, orcs on wargs, giant elephants, orcs on giant elephants, and didn’t someone say that wizard’s not really human?”

    DM: “Gandalf is one of the Maiar, immortal servants of the –”

    Aragorn: “Right. Whatever. So what you’re basically saying is…”

    DM: “Suddenly, two of the warriors in the army reveal themselves to be Eowyn and Merry! They face the terrible Witch-King in battle!”

    Aragorn: “…that I’m the only guy around here who can’t kill him. You suck.”

  12. As to the ingenious methods of messing around the witch-king because you can’t actually *kill* him, that would work in the movie maybe and for this comic, but Tolkien wasn’t fool enough to let that loophole hang around. In the book, he said “No living man may *hinder* me.” That would pretty much include no hacking off appendages (assuming his wraithy body can have that happen), burying in concrete or whatever.

    He also didn’t have any of that “born/e of woman” crap from Macbeth. I agree with Tolkien–that was *such* a lame loophole.

  13. cthulhuburger says:

    I agree with some of the previous posters… they should have stood around, arguing about how best to kill this incredibly hard boss and save the low-level halfling and woman, when the woman and halfling go right ahead and kill it themselves… in two hits.

  14. Brian says:

    I woulda had the players bitch about the NPC killing the big bad guy and being backseated and denied XP :)

  15. Tola says:

    Oh boo hiss! Shamus cut the classic “Do not deny the nazghûl his prey” nonsense and the “feast on his flesh” drool. I mean, The Witch King of Angmar had the worst dialogue consultant in Middle Earth! The possibilities for player/Witch King interplay were enormous (almost as big as a mûmaking Oliphaunt).

    I call shenanigans!

    Steve.

    I don’t know. The full quote in the book, where he basically describes EXACTLY what’s going to happen to her if she gets in his way, is fairly bad-ass. Why they cut it down, I don’t know.

  16. William says:

    I can just imagine is Aowyn and the Witch King were talking;
    “No man can kill me!”
    “I am no man!”
    “No, you see, I meant human. Man if referring to hum-AAUGH!! MY BACK!”
    *shink*
    “MY FACE!”

  17. Scarlet Knight says:

    Aragorn: What is that crazy Eowyn doing here?
    Merry: Oh, m’lady told me (on the way here) that she wanted to find you, Aragorn.
    Aragorn: Wha’?
    Gimli: I see. Lad, what we have here is a VISIBLE stalker!”

  18. inq101 says:

    The witch-king was simply suffering from bad-guyitis. It is a mental disorder common in all moon-basis, secret undergroung strongholds, volcano complexes and dark castles. It can also be contracted by contact from items of incredible power, death-rays and ancient prophesies. Sypmtoms include selective stupidity, the belief that all air-vents must be large enough to crawl through and secured by esily removed grates and the inability to see plot holes. It can be cured by reading and following the advice of the evil overlord list found here http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html

  19. Tola says:

    Witchy had a right to be….arrogant, though. He had that fight all wrapped up. Which makes sense, given the massive difference in power(He’s been around a hell of a long time), and he wasn’t expecting to be stabbed in the leg by a Hobbit.

  20. Dark says:

    70 superfluousk Says:
    “Aragorn and co picked up the daggers before they left, and gave them back to the hobbits at Isengard. So either way, they have them back.”

    You’re talking about a PC *giving* magical weapons to an NPC. What madness is this?

  21. DarkCorellon says:

    Hey, for the next one it’s gotta include the bit where Aragorn kills the orc general. The DM would say something like, “you see a limping, apparently disabled orc crawling Eowyn.” The players have to be like, “I didn’t know the orcs were equal opportunity barbarians.” And then Aragorn is like “How much more exp do I get for killing the gimp orc?” And everyone else is a bit shocked, or maybe not, considering this group.

  22. Al Shiney says:

    @ Darkenna … I didn’t claim that Robert Frost was from Vermont, just that he lived and taught here during his life. As Nick correctly pointed out, he was born in San Francisco. And NH has no more claim on him than VT does, because he taught at Middlebury College and owned a home here.

    @ Julia … The “Frost heaves” joke is an oldie, but a goody. Several years ago, I saw a picture of a snow sculpture that someone did for a contest. It was a guy doubled over vomiting on a book and they titled it – yes, you guessed it.

    @ Vermont Gal … is this D.J. or H.H. from my gaming group and, if not, do you wanna join a group? :-)

  23. PMMJ says:

    Wait, no man could kill him? Why didn’t Legolas take care of it then?

  24. Scarlet Knight says:

    “Shamus writes: Once the story is over I think I’ll come back and re-visit this scene”

    Great! Like a director’s cut? Then we can see Legolas turn into Will Turner & the palantir as a Magic 8 Ball!

  25. Nigel D says:

    Funny thing is, I think the film should have stuck closer to the original dialogue in this scene. It was way too abbreviated – in the book, Eowyn gets to power-trip loke nobody’s business.

    From memory…

    E: Begone, foul dwimmerlaik, lord of carrion, and leave the dead in peace.
    WK: Come not between the Nazgul and his prey, or he will not slay thee in thy turn; rather, he will bear the away to the houses of lamentation, where thy flesh will be shrivelled and thy soul laid bare before the Lidless Eye.
    E: Do what you will, but I will hinder it, if I may.
    WK: Hinder me? Thou fool! No living man may hinder me!
    E: (laughs) But you look not upon a man. Eowyn am I, Eomund’s daughter, and you stand between me and my lord and kin. Begone, if you be not deathless, for, be thou living or dark undead, I will smite you if you touch him!

  26. Nigel D says:

    Hmm, would have worked better without the typos.

  27. Jimmy says:

    And do we really think that the average movie-goer nowadays would actually understand that?
    It had to stay short so they would know what was being said.

    Might have a been a good one to insert an “Empire” quote in there… Like:

    W:”Eowyn,….. I am your father….”
    E:”NOOOOOO….. ”
    A:”Hmm, really didn’t see that one coming.”
    L:”At least you laid off me for once.”
    E:”Well, father, here’s that sword you left for me….Tshack!!!…..”
    G:”Well Ara.. mate, at least you won’t have to meet the inlaws now….”

  28. Vermont Gal says:

    “@ Vermont Gal … is this D.J. or H.H. from my gaming group and, if not, do you wanna join a group?”

    Hee, hee…I’m the one with the parasite in my belly… :)

    And I personally think Robert Frost is “more a Vermonter” simply because WE SAY SO. We don’t really need to give more reason than that. A true Vermonter is a native, but some exceptions are made…

    It’s along the lines of the discussion I had with my sister, after moving up to Stowe, Vermont from Massachusetts for 24 hours that she was suddenly calling non-Vermonters “flatlanders”. I informed her she should knock that off–that she was being the worst flatlander type of all. She feebly replied that she was at a higher elevation, but I explained flatlander doesn’t really have anything to do with elevation–you can be from Colorado and be a flatlander.

    On the flip side, you can actually be born in Vermont and effectively be a “flatlander” if you have completely the wrong attitude, or be embraced as a Vermonter if one adopts the correct attitude and outlook–even if born in Manhattan. I think Robert Frost is in the latter category–even if maybe not considered entirely a “pure” Vermonter.

  29. Dremonda says:

    Chipper says:
    Actually after thinking about it, wouldn’t it have been perfect if in this session, the GM allowed his girlfriend to play Eowyn? That sort of kill-stealing would be right along the lines of this campaign.

    Good idea. In fact, if Shamus wanted any NPC to act like a PC for one or a few comics, he could say someone’s girlfriend or cousin or something was a guest player.

  30. Max says:

    I would give this comic the title of your Worst Comic Ever. However, that is a good thing, because the only reason it’s bad is because all of your others are so amazing in comparison.

  31. Obfuscato says:

    “I’m melting! Melting! Oh, what a world, what a world . . .”

    That’s what I was thinking during the movie.

  32. Logan says:

    “Didn’t see that one coming!” That was Great!!!!!!

  33. mjstancil says:

    You know, I almost feel sorry for the Witch-King in this scene. It sucks to be killed on a technicality.

  34. Toil3T says:

    Um, I thought Dwarves and Elves were different from Men in Middle Earth. (Hence the lands of Men). So Gimli and Lego-lass should have been able to slay the “Naz-Ghoul” king. Tolkein should have thought that line over.

  35. Robel says:

    How can Conan wear a corset? He`s always half naked.

  36. Robel says:

    And the Faust thing is murder :))

  37. dyrnwyn says:

    I always thought that part was really stupid in the movie

  38. Colin says:

    Ah yes… “No man can kill me”

    That is why prophesies suck and should never be listened to. They always screw you over.

    The fact that he damaged everyone who touched him was cool, though.

  39. Stuart says:

    “He cannot be killed by hand of mortal man… you know what that means, my daughter?”

    “Yes, he’ll have to use his feet…”

  40. amuletts says:

    You *could* have the players highjack the Nazgul and start making him say things. I’ve seen players do that.

  41. Robin says:

    “Hello. My name is Eowyn. You killed my uncle. Prepare to die!”

    http://mollyringwraith.livejournal.com/44608.html#cutid1

  42. Malchir says:

    you could make the players point out that sneak attack won’t work on undead.

  43. Ferretsroq says:

    Any reason Merry (or Pippin, I can’t tell which it is) is in the fifth panel?

  44. Robin says:

    “Any reason Merry (or Pippin, I can’t tell which it is) is in the fifth panel?”

    It’s Merry. Because at that moment, he’s stabbing the Witch-King behind the knee. It’s made clearer in the book — it takes Merry’s enchanted blade to get through his magical protection so he can be killed by Eowyn’s blade.

  45. me says:

    “no living man can slay me”

    real comforting in a world with like 7 non man races(man, elf, dwarf, orc, goblin, halfling, wizard, ent, probably more) you’re protected form just 1 of them. half of that 1 since women can do it…less than half as presumably children hit the same loophole. and thats before we bring up the dead of which both the ghost army and gandalf are examples of. granted man is the most numerous race and women and children are rare on the battle field but still.

    so 1 race out of 6 main groups(not including spiders various monsters balrogs maiar (example saron) valar(wizards) other nasgul, the dead, the weather, accidents, falling rocks ect.)
    half of that one, and about half of them would be prepubescent boys not men.

  46. Daniel B says:

    “Even in the book I found Tolkien’s trick with the Witch King to be weak.”

    Oddly enough, Tolkien did it because he thought Shakespear’s “no man of woman born shall kill him” trick was weak and should have meant that a woman would kill him instead.

    The problem to me was that the “No living man am I!” line by Eowyn sounded badass, but meant nothing, because her not being a guy was irrelevant to the Witch King dying, it was Merry’s magic sword that suddenly made him “vincible”.

    In the movie it makes even less sense, as it’s already establish that reason the Nazgul can’t die is because they already did die, just like the Army of the Dead can’t be killed either. The movie, without using the phrase, clearly establishes the “you can’t kill what’s already dead” rule and then somehow the head nazgul can die because apparently he’s only protected from death at the hands of males? It makes no sense.

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