DM of the Rings CVIII:
His First Decree

By Shamus
on Jun 4, 2007
Filed under:
DM of the Rings

Aragorn learns to roleplay.
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  1. Jindra34 says:

    QUiCK!
    Silly Greedy Aragorn.

  2. Carl the Bold says:

    Hillarious.

    He just doesn’t get it, does he? Am I the stupid one for expecting him to see the light? Even so, it makes his constant ‘blunders’ (?) all the more funny when I fail to expect it.

    Thanks.

  3. Improved Initiative says:

    Heh, “New Menorians…”

  4. Rolld20 says:

    GM: … “Uh, you hear a spectral voice say ‘The greatest treasure is HONOR! And ours- Alas!- we forfeited long ago…'”

    A: “Bulls***! You guys got paid to betray us, right? We’ll take that, then!”

  5. Charles says:

    I’ve gotten to the point where I hear Viggo Mortensen’s voice for all of Aragorn’s dialog, and that makes this even funnier.

  6. Steve says:

    If the LOTR story was really written by these players, wouldn’t the characters have ended up a lot more powerful?

    Granted they might have ended up stealing the Rings and working for Sauron… but still :)

  7. Bryce says:

    Heh thats probably the closest they will ever get to roleplaying v.v

    By the way ive been reading for a while first comment ever posted here

  8. Doug Brown says:

    Ego Tripping at the Gates of Hell. Classic. It’s like a greeting card.

  9. Osvaldo Mandias says:

    Oh, no.

    10th!

  10. Retlor says:

    Heh, ‘New Menorians.’ Wasn’t it recently that you were saying the only thing worse than a player not remembering the plot, was a player who remembered it in a way that was completely wrong?

  11. Jeff says:

    Isn’t trying to get 1st post essentially a contest of who has less of a life off the computer?

  12. MONKEEYYY says:

    I’m fourteenth. Thats now a measure of how much of a life I DON’T have.

  13. Dave says:

    “New Menorians”. Classic. I love when mispronunciations are spelt out phonetically.

  14. Carl the Bold says:

    I’m impressed he got it phonetically correct…

  15. Woerlan says:

    THIS would be the cue for the ghosts to bury them in an avalanche of skulls.

  16. Cenobite says:

    I’m going to laugh my @$$ off if the DM finally caves and gives these guys some serious lewtz.

    Of course, a *crafty* DM would then figure out a way to immediately part the players from their lewtz over the next game session…

  17. scldragonfish says:

    I know it was stupid of me, but with the good build-up, I actually expected Aragorn to say the right words or something.

    I don’t know why i expected that, but I don’t regret the laughter at being disappointed. Thanks Shamus.

  18. Raved Thrad says:

    It’s weird, but Legolas in the third panel puts me in mind of Elric of Melniboné. It almost looks as if it would be more apt for him to be addressing the oathbreakers than Stonergorn.

    It would be really twisted if the Undead King were called the Creature Doomed to Live, and with him were the specters of the folk of R’lin K’ren A’a.

    Hmm, if Letgo-lass is Elric then I wonder who Gimli and Aragorn are >:)

  19. Rosuav says:

    I wonder how many Menorians he thinks there are in this place.

  20. LaZorra says:

    I wanna know what happened to the *old* Menorians. Tolkien must have left that part out! ;-)

  21. EmeraldTiara says:

    I think I have to agree with Charles up there. When you start hearing Viggo saying all this, you know it’s twice as funny.

  22. Glurbwiffle says:

    At least he didn’t say “Moon Enorians,” or somesuch.

  23. Nogard_Codesmith says:

    HAH! OK i wasn’t expecting that (although i don.t know why).
    This made me literally laugh out loud.

  24. Thenodrin says:

    I think they should find a treasure chest behind the steps, and inside of it is a loaf of bread and a bottle of berry juice.

    Theno

  25. Mattingly says:

    Apparently, the dead guys came from the city of New Menora. Oy vey!

  26. Thenodrin Says:
    “I think they should find a treasure chest behind the steps, and inside of it is a loaf of bread and a bottle of berry juice.”

    GM : You open the third treasure chest and Look! More Lembas bread…

  27. Scarlet Knight says:

    The “New Menorians…”, aren’t they a folk band that re-grouped?

  28. Randolpho says:

    Another ++ for New Menorians. It took me a minute or two to figure out the joke, too, but I think I was just reading too far into it.

  29. okay! says:

    The way I would handle these players is keep stringing them along with promises of a big payoff in the end (“only Sauron’s got the loot”). Aragorn actually does okay in the end, getting his kingdom and all, but I’d be pretty pissed to be Gimli and Legolas and end this campaign with just a starring role in future bards’ tales.

  30. Todd says:

    Another great comic! i often feel like the campaign i am/was running is inhabited by these players.

    Can we rearrange the main page so there isn’t four or five screens of scrolling?

  31. Susano says:

    Hahahahahahahahaha!

    Man… this just keeps getting better and better.

  32. Wraithshadow says:

    Well, you have to admit, this would go a long ways to explain why they’re always referred to as the kingdoms of Men…orians. :P

  33. Anders Honore says:

    To whomever has aspirations of being first and commenting on it:

    Congratulations. You are hereby awarded the annoyance of everyone else who has read your waste of electrons, let alone bandwith.

    You can now step out of the shadows of anonymity and bask in the glory of having your former peers make the extra effort to perceive you as a distinctly lesser being.

    we now return to our regular scheduled programming.

  34. haashaastaak says:

    apparently, I do have a life. Gimli and Legolas are going to get loot as well– Aragorn will be able to pile their arms with jewel encrusted armor, coins, cut glass decanters, etc. from the grateful treasury of Gondor.

  35. Eorl de Jonge says:

    At least Gimli doesn’t have to search anymore

  36. Marmot says:

    Hahaha!
    Our dear Aragorn is now all grown up.

  37. Al Shiney says:

    I half expected Stonergorn to ask for the New Womenorians, but the treasure is a much better laugh. Besides, he’s probably still holding out hope for Legolass.

    Shamus, I gotta say that first panel with the “on high” viewpoint reminded me of the original Gauntlet, y’know back when you had to fill it with quarters. I snickered repeatedly to memories of “The Elf is about to die” after I got done laughing out loud at New Menorians and the punchline. Keep up the great stuff!

  38. Matt says:

    “but I’d be pretty pissed to be Gimli and Legolas and end this campaign with just a starring role in future bards’ tales.”

    If I remember the books right, after the war, Legolas and Gimli get to go back to Helm’s Deep and LOOK at the gems in the caves. Tolkien clearly never saw a loot table in his life. He also did things like giving magic weapons to low level halflings who probably didn’t even have the right proficiency feats.

  39. Tom Zunder says:

    Do you know, I think if you did the Elric! books like this, as a D&D campaign, they’d come out about the same as the originals.

    Big up Berry!

  40. Sarah says:

    “24 Glurbwiffle Says:
    June 4th, 2007 at 12:21 pm

    At least he didn’t say “Moon Enorians,” or somesuch.”

    LOL! I love that, will have to remember it in case I ever get a chance… :)

  41. DN says:

    36 haashaastaak Says:

    June 4th, 2007 at 1:19 pm
    apparently, I do have a life. Gimli and Legolas are going to get loot as well– Aragorn will be able to pile their arms with jewel encrusted armor, coins, cut glass decanters, etc. from the grateful treasury of Gondor.

    Why in the world would he do that? I can far more easily imagine him laughing at their plight and trying to make servants of them than sharing his loot.

  42. Short but OH so sweet!

    For a minute there, I actually thought Aragon was roleplaying :P
    you tricked me indeed!

    Now I can;t wait to see how the Ghosts respond to his ‘Decree’:D

  43. Bex's says:

    LOL *snigger* the other one was great too LOL I love this comic :D
    xxx

  44. RibbitRibbit says:

    >[Mattingly:] Apparently, the dead guys came from the city of New Menora. Oy vey!

    ROFLMAO!

  45. Skeeve the Impossible says:

    Gold Shamus absolute Gold

  46. narel says:

    New menorians…. that is quite possibly the funniest thing I have read in WEEKS.
    BRILLIANT.

  47. Scarlet Knight says:

    “Tolkien clearly never saw a loot table in his life.”

    Tolkien was actually pretty good with loot (ie the troll cave, Smaug, the barrows ). Many places may have had loot , like Moria, but were already stripped by orcs. Characters often got things as gifts (ie elven cloaks) rather than taking them from fallen enemies. Plus, Professor T. seemed to think a little went a long way. Bilbo (& subsequently Frodo) lived quite well on the loot from one pony, which even Gandalf thought was small.

  48. Tola says:

    King of the Dead: Nothing here except*Slash as he continues* us…

    Aragorn(Blocks the blow): I WILL have some loot in this bloody campaign, I swear it!
    ___

    Though I don’t believe he’s selfish enough to hoard it. They players are united in their hate for the campaign, and the wish to get through it as quickly as possible. Lego and Gimli are ill-equipped, and all three of them know it.

  49. Tola says:

    I wanna know what happened to the *old* Menorians. Tolkien must have left that part out!

    Well, it’s known that the Elves are the First-born, and Men are the second. Perhaps?…

  50. john says:

    Awesome strip … found it from a link on http://www.yog-sothoth.com. I love how the characters are so obsessed with XPs and treasure. Tolkien must be spinning is his grave.

  51. Gimli ends up as Lord of the Glittering Caves, a new dwarven realm, after the war. While they presumably can’t just strip the caves of their gems, they’re positioned to become very rich very quickly, since they become the smiths to the Gondor, flush with its peace dividend and new king and rebuilding all the stuff that got broken in the war. And titles and realms are a kind of loot in their own right.

    Legolas, though… he gets to go home and retain the title of Prince that he had before… under an immortal father king who shows no interest in sailing over the ocean. He becomes a heroic figure of song, just as all the elves who like singing such songs *do* go away over the ocean. His loot take for the whole campaign: one longbow given to him by Galadriel.

    (Actually, now that I think about it, I kind of think Legolas may also have founded a southern colony after the war, maybe in Ithilien.)

  52. Deoxy says:

    “that first panel with the “on high” viewpoint reminded me of the original Gauntlet, y’know back when you had to fill it with quarters. I snickered repeatedly to memories of “The Elf is about to die””

    HA! I didn’t notice that at first, but you’re absolutely right!

    “Green Elf needs LooT badly!” OK, I modified it a little… :-)

  53. Luke (Thrythlind) says:

    Legolas went west over the sea, probably one of the few wood elves to do so, Gimli went with him.

    Soon after they left, the passes west closed and I like to think that at that point the world sort of dwindled into a typical D&D world.

    The remaining elves were mortal forest dwellers rather than immortal half-spirits, for example.

    All the various races probably ended up interbreeding into the people of the storyteller’s time (which apparently is advanced enough to have something similar to nuclear weapons given a line or two in the hobbits about goblin/orc war-inventions)

    • BlueCanary says:

      According to canon, the elves “fade.” They become less and less visible to humans until they fade out of sight…unless they make the trip West. Only the Elves may still make that trip. But even wood-elves can.

  54. Cheesemaster says:

    That was probably one of the best strips you’ve ever done. If I ever get a DM holding out on me as badly as this guy, I’ll have to remember to use a line like that.

  55. Isoyami says:

    Bwahahah! This strip is brilliant, 58th’d.

    It took me a minute to get the “New Menorians”, that was awesome. And its SO something Aragormless would do.

    DM: “Your keen ranger senses tell you that the Ghosts are sniggering behind your back at your silly command for phat l00t.”

    :D LOL

  56. milw770 says:

    I just read this for the first time in one sitting.

    It is comic genius. I have run these guys in every game system designed. Like the guy who designed the anti-battlemech taser in MechWarrior…1 point of armor damage, total spaz, 100% salvage.

  57. Scott says:

    As a DM of way too many years standing… all I can say is, thank you. I thought it was just my players, but no. I see now that they are all like this.

    Anyway, brilliant work.

  58. brashieel says:

    Poor Aragornless… he just can’t quite wrap his brain around the fact that he isn’t getting any cash this campaign.

    Still, he must have gotten Gimli and the DM’s hopes up for a moment there. Only to brutally crush them, of course.

  59. Jindra34 says:

    to brashieel: What other reason is there for getting peoples hopes up?

  60. Luke (Thrythlind) says:

    Aragon would fit right in with certain characters from one of my game worlds.

    Any moment now he’ll be shouting: “Shinies” “Don’t Eat Me!” or “The shinies are going to eat me!”

  61. Lolipop Knight says:

    In response to Anders Honore, writer ofpost 35:

    I’m usually happy to lurk about and just enjoy the comic,as well as Shamus’s reviews of video games and anime. However, I find the insults inherent in your post to individuals that you do not know to be absolutely abhorrent.

    First, you claim the right to mock people just because they take pleasure in something that you see as a pointless endeavor. Many regard RPG’s, fantasy, and even fiction in general as pointless- does this mean that they should belittle whoever enjoys them?

    Second, while “first” posts may take up bandwidth, so did your rant, and it served no higher a purpose than their game.

    Third, making assumptions about the value of another person’s life based upon one particular trait that, at worst, annoys people isn’t really a thorough investigation. For example, one could take my present rant as an indication that I’m a temperamental maniac, but if that were the case, I would likely have lacked the patience to type this at all.

    Finally, without such investigation, you are in no position to argue the value of another person’s life. To do so is arrogant beyond words.

    In short, your claim that another human being has less value than you do, and your whining about a harmless, if slightly immature game, have quite irritated me, and I feel that you should rethink your opinions.

    To everyone who didn’t post such opinions, I apologize for the space that my rant has taken up on your computer screen, but I cannot allow such a snide comment to stand.

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