DM of the Rings XCV:
You Could Get a Splinter

By Shamus
on May 2, 2007
Filed under:
DM of the Rings

Dryads are sexy.
Ents are not sexy.

Whenever you introduce a new creature, you should be very specific in your descriptions so that players know if this is something for them to fight or have sex with.

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  1. brassbaboon says:

    Heh, I play a half-elf half-dryad character in a campaign, I hope my playing partners don’t stumble onto this comic, I get enough grief from them already.

    Yes, I’m a guy, playing a female elf/dryad druid. So far the worst thing that has happened was when our rogue (who is also my carpool partner) was trying to “revive” my elf/dryad after she was knocked unconscious and as he was performing his “heal” on her he said “I slip in my tongue.”

    EEeeeewwwwww!!!!

  2. Isoyami says:

    Another great one, you had me at “Dutch Elm Disease”. xD

    Also, am I the only one who things Aragormless looks disappointed, but still kind of turned-on in the very last frame? Like he’s thinking: “Ok, not what I expected, but I’ll go with it, yea.”

  3. Isoyami says:

    Also… Aragormless is just on a streak, isn’t he?

    First, he fails his saving throw vs. disease after getting it on with Eowyn, he gets that “rash” from King Theoden, and then Dutch Elm disease from Treebeard?

    What’s next? “Warts” from a troll or “bird flu” from a giant eagle? *shudders*

  4. ajgrifdog says:

    Whenever you introduce a new creature, you should be very specific in your descriptions so that players know if this is something for them to fight or have sex with. -Shamus

    Not everyone has Aragorn’s problem. See for yourself in Geebas on Parade;
    http://geebasonparade.keenspot.com/d/20060403.html

  5. Yahzi says:

    Um… I r confuzed.

    As the party “ventures towards Isengard…” But in the last comic, they were at Isengard.

    Did you post these out of order, Shamus? Did you do it just to see if anybody was actually paying attention? :D

  6. A Herd of Cows says:

    I love this comic so much. “you should be very specific in your descriptions so that players know if this is something for them to fight or have sex with.” Very Freudian.

  7. Shamus says:

    Yahzi: The two overlapped, really. The last comic would be right after panel 7 of this one. Instead of throwing a joke away, I just messed with the timeline.

  8. Yahzi says:

    Hmm… I think you could just run this one, then XCIV, and it would make perfect sense.

    “You enter” in the 7th panel here, followed by, “You enter” in the first panel of the next one seems like a pretty normal narrative maneuver. Whereas this structure causes those of us who are paying attention to the story and not just the jokes (ya, that’s right – I’m looking at YOU! :D ) to scratch our heads a little more than needs be.

    It’s the internet – just rename the two posts, change the dates, and dare anybody to notice. :D

  9. orcbane says:

    See, Star Wars already had that worked out. Twi-leks!

  10. Liss says:

    Once again, just sheer genius. I will never be able to watch these films with a straight face again.

  11. Zippy Wonderdog says:

    I just love that cheesy grin om Aragi\orn’s face, you are a screen cap god Shamus :)

  12. Deathblade_Penguin/aka Minion of Darkness says:

    Classic Shamus Classic… I did notice that Aragorn said “somewhat less sexy than I had hoped” rather than “EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW not sexy at all”.. I can see Aragorn adding another notch to his bed…

    Oh and I call LAST comment for these comments…

  13. Auke says:

    Alas, mr. Penguin, it didn’t ‘last’ (Ow)…

    Another great comic! I didn’t recall Aragorn looking quite that way in the films either.

    Somehow, I’d expect the following conversation to ensue:

    Aragorn: “Any brothels here?”

    DM: “No.”

    Aragorn: “Any ent chicks?”

    Treebeard: “No. They have all gone away, and we don’t know where they went.”

    Aragorn: “Yoo-hoo! ‘Your journal has been updated!’ Finally a good quest! Rescue the leafy, naked tree chicks from the bad guy!”

    DM: “You can’t just abandon your quest and go after the ent women!”

    Aragorn: “Why not?”

    Legolas: “Because making lots of little hybrid children isn’t going to get you any XP!”

    Keep those creative juices flowing, Shamus!

  14. Morte says:

    How sexy can Ents be if all their wives as one buggered off one dark night to parts unknown(or other sexier woodland creatures…ones with artsy minimalist woodland glades with hot and cold running sap) a few millenia ago?

  15. DM T. says:

    Shamus, you could have just google up “Spriggan Oblivion” in the Image directory.

    Anyway, Excellent strip… errmmm… whatever

  16. Browncoat says:

    75 Zippy Wonderdog Says: I just love that cheesy grin om Aragi\orn’s face, you are a screen cap god Shamus.

    What a remarkably odd thing to be a god of. Congrats, though. I’m not a god of anything.

  17. Medium Dave says:

    Eightyfirst!

    OK Horndog, this Ent DOES think you are Sexy, Aragorn. Roll for grappelling and Pumelling. Oh and by the way, are you allergic to tree pollen?

  18. Scarlet Knight says:

    “Browncoat Says: Odd that Gimli didn’t recognize Treebeard’s voice.”

    He did, & that’s what lead to his rehab…

  19. Hotaru says:

    all Aragorn would have to do to have safe(er) sex with an Ent or any other wood type creature is drink a potion of bark skin… har… though then he has only so long before it wears off… ouch…

  20. Tola says:

    Heh. Fun.

    Of course, with the group being a bunch of fighter-types…Saruman’s Speech Craft(Probably coming up next) is going to be hell(Will Save, which they’re bad at). Especially as there’s no Theoden to snap them out of it, nor even any Rohirrim.

    Why, oh WHY were fighters given minds so weak?

  21. Jeff says:

    Nice choice of pictures… we all know that Gimli and Treebeard share a voice, but I hadn’t noticed how similar they looked before…

  22. Stephanie says:

    >I just want to point out that I had to install Oblivion and run the construction set in order to make this comic, which means that one frame of the Spriggan is probably the most time consuming frame in the entire comic.

    Man, that’s dedication. :-)

  23. ChristianTheDane says:

    Oh, my god. This is brilliant! :D

  24. Margaret says:

    Eighty-eighth! Beat that suckers!!

    I agree, I think Aragorn is still going to make a pass at Treebeard.

  25. Shamus says:

    Brings whole new meaning to the term “tree-huggers”.

  26. giant explosion says:

    In alot of other media, dryads are simply women who are too close to their trees, have green hair, normal skin, and do it with any guy they see. Where did you get the idea of bark skin and leaves

  27. Destroy Gundam says:

    He got it from Morrowind and Oblivion, where the only things close to an Ent, meaning the Spriggans, have bark skin and leaves for hair. They also try to kill you.

    The Morrowind incarnation is more irratating because they come back to life 3 times before they stay dead. The Oblivion ones can just heal themselves completly 3 times. You put them down quick enough and they stay down

  28. Shard says:

    Good thing for Stonergorn it wasn’t a Redneck Tree!

    http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp05042002.shtml

  29. Obfuscato says:

    By now, Aragoof should have every STD known to the world. The group could then throw him as a weapon. At minimum, he’s still got what Eowyn gave him.

    I liked the “Thirty Eleventh!” call, since it reminded me it was time for second luncheon. But the post count kiddies who got their number wrong? Absotivly posilutely pitiful.* Musta been the kids in school who shot up their hands after a teacher’s question, dancing around going “Me, me, me!!!”, without having the slightest clue what the answer was.

    *mockers excluded.

  30. Nadzghoul says:

    Okay, the pic for Aragorn in panel 6 made me choke! You find so many pics of him that make him look like a serious sicko molester – can’t stop cracking up!

  31. Toil3T says:

    I think the word to desvribe this strip is “Gnarly!” Yes, “!” is a letter now.

    >45 required:
    >May 2nd, 2007 at 2:32 pm

    >Good one! The line after the comic made me laugh too and >it made me think of having read somewhere how turtles >divide things into 4 groups:

    >1) Things to eat
    >2) Things that will eat you
    >3) Things to have sex with
    >4) Rocks

    I think you got that from Small Gods, a Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett. It’s pretty sad that I recognized it.

  32. Cynder says:

    Bahaha…is that really all Aragorn thinks about?? THESE THINGS ARE NOT EVEN HUMAN!!! XD

    LEGOLAS: Dude, you really need to stop going on about sexy RPG characters and get yourself a GIRLFRIEND.

    GIMLI: Yeah. Honestly, fantising over female tree things is NOT COOL.

    LOL.

  33. Palantas says:

    “Oblivion had dryads in it.” Haha! The whole series has been great, but this really tickled my funny bone.

  34. MA-125 says:

    I’d tap that Spriggan.

  35. Colin says:

    Mmm…Sexy tree women.

    Viktoria from “Thief”, anyone?

  36. Yrael says:

    I just had to make it 101. Just couldn’t resist.

  37. Serenitybane says:

    Lmao amazingly done!!

  38. Tatooine92 says:

    Spriggans! I hate those bloody trees. They wouldn’t be so bad if they didn’t giggle and summon bears. Or maybe they summon bears and THEN giggle. Whatever! I’m riding through the countryside, enjoying the flowers, butterflies, and nice music, when WHAM! I’m killed by a freakin’ tree. Killed. By a TREE. Must get better armor.

  39. caradoc says:

    If Ents were sexy, the Entwives would not have run off to who knows where, would they?

  40. Michael says:

    I am reminded of Durkon’s line about trees being these massive enemies that are just waiting to ambush you.

    And the whole line about “Dutch Elm disease”, yea. D&D doesn’t have (m)any rules for disease at all, does it?

    Oh: N-th!

  41. silver Harloe says:

    > I dont think you can just flatly say that Ents are *NOT* sexy…
    > …I’m sure they give *someone* wood

    Rule 36.

    If you follow the link, make a SAN check to avoid spending countless hours on that site.

  42. Willowe says:

    I love this comic. I nearly exploded with laughter when I saw the Oblivion thing. Oblivion is awesome, and spriggans are a pain

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  1. By DM of the Ring | ovrnite.com presents on Thu Dec 11, 2008 at 1:20 pm

    […] True, so very true. […]

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