DM of the Rings LXXXVIII:
An Unexpected Maneuver

By Shamus
on Apr 16, 2007
Filed under:
DM of the Rings

Gimli gets totally tossed..

Yeah, so this strip should really come before the earlier one where Gimli is already fighting on the causeway. I can’t help it if I don’t think these up in chonological order. Actually, I didn’t think about the Dwarf-tossing bit until people started talking about it in the comments and I realized it was an Anticipated Event.

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  1. I’m new to this, but I’ve just caught up on the archives and its as funny as “the hot fiery place bad people go to when they die”. I’ve had to take frequent breaks just to get my breath back from laughing.

    And you may think its all in fun, but I’ve had players ask me, “How much damage do I do as a melee weapon?”

  2. DreadFox says:

    First time posting here! Hilarious!

    There’s been many a game derailed by monty python comments, but Blazing Saddles is also a killer. I remember one session where too many quotes were made, we abandoned the game, and just watched the video instead!

  3. notanoutherRP'er says:

    -PandoraCaitiff “And you may think its all in fun, but I’ve had players ask me, “How much damage do I do as a melee weapon?””

    when i tried it in the last Epic campaign i played my Lv 30 sumthing Half-Dragon managed 1d10 Bludgeoning until i scored a critical failure and the halfling’s feet ripped off.

    BTW gr8 comic its given me some ideas for the campaign im now running

  4. “Maybe Eomer can be a new PC though, that would be kinda neat.”

    Oh, yes! GM’s Girlfriend jokes, front and center! :)

  5. Jo Mama says:

    What number am I thinking of?

    Alright post 69!!!

  6. Prawninator says:

    @Steve
    “The Flying Beastie will be available separately in time for next Christmas in the Minions of Steve Play Set”

    … can’t you make a pre-release? But if it’s available seperately it’s not part of the set! Make him part of the set and I’m sure your World Domination Inc. sales will fold ten times… I mean, increase tenfold…

  7. Bugsysservant says:

    Steve-Very funny, but unless I am mistaken Cirdan (one of the original elven bearers of the rings) gave his away to Gandalf. That being said:

    Wanted-1 rng o’ pwr, nw or usd. Prfrably 1 w/o taint o’ infinite evl.

    Any takers? Anyone? Awwww… :(

    BTW Shamus- love the strip, keep up the good work. I still laugh when I think of your uncertainty lich-more physics humor is a must.

  8. Ohh, security features. Nice!

    Gimli and Aragorn must have tied for initiative on that throwing thing…
    Dwarf: “well throw me then, so that way you’re going first!”
    Ranger: “Right!” (Heave) “So now I jump, right?”
    DM: No, that’s your turn – now you wait for Gimli and the 10,000 PCs and NPCs to take their turns”…
    Ranger: “…. Damn!”

  9. Korppis says:

    When they did switch D20 to FASERIP?
    “Colossus… i mean Aragorn, it’s time to deliver Cannonball Special” :D

  10. Steve/Deathblade_penguin says:

    Steve…

    My ring has not arrived yet… I have the black horse and evil nature and I am ready to torture halflings…

    exactly when does my ring arrive?

    Penguin

  11. Alexis says:

    It got cut from the movie, but Legolas is wearing yellow biking leathers and ripping into the Crazy 88 right now.

  12. superfluousk says:

    Steve:

    SWEET!!! I’m gonna take this shiny ring and use it to go build a fortune. Ha! I even know the perfect place, that old single mountain rising up out of the plains over there by it’s lonesome self! Come, Thror, my son, ket us ride to th—what, Steve?

    Power?

    Who craves that?

    Well, that’s basically what the Seven Rings of Power DID for the dwarves. They used em to multiply their wealth — not amass power. Well, power of a different kind. Dwarves were too tough to fade, so Sauron couldn’t control them through the rings — but the rings also made them lust after wealth excessively and uncontrollably, and Sauron used that restlessness to eventually trap and kill all the ring holding dwarves and recover the rings for himself.

  13. azzab says:

    Thank you Shamus, long may you reign.

    I have finally caught up to the pack and will now have to wait with patience for the next installment of “Laugh over the Ring”

    “You are so big”

  14. Steve says:

    [Nogard_Codesmith] Damn, I forgot to add you to the list! I’ve used up all the Enchanted Gold and Worthless shiny glass rhinestones too. Plus, The Volcano has gone out thanks to the dodgy pilot thermocouple and will take days to warm up again. It never rains…

    How about I give you this nice ball of glass and a stand to put it on? No commitment is necessary. Just examine the Palantir (often and closely) for thirty days. If you still possess your own willpower after that, simply return it to Minas Morgul, postage paid.

    If you choose to keep the Palantir you will receive, at approximately one month intervals, new and exciting offers from Morgul Enterprises. These include:

    1) Instructions on how to raise your own army of brutish thugs using nothing but wet clay and a deep hole

    2) Advisers trained in Fawning Entreaties, useful for subborning others to your own will*

    3) The formula for Hornburg Wall-Be-Gone, a useful fortification remover

    4) Cut price deals on Huorn repellant and Ent Motels

    Steve

    * State laws require that Morgul Enterprises does not warranty that you will still possess a will by then.

  15. Blackgryphon says:

    Roxysteve World Domination Inc,
    PO Box 666
    Mordor
    Mo 10001-0001

    Mordor is in Missouri? Sweet! I need to start driving around my new state more.

    Shamus, love the comic by the way. Keep them comming.

  16. Scarlet Knight says:

    “… I am ready to torture halflings…”

    Steve/Deathblade_penguin, don’t you know torturing halflings is never fruitful. Once you have a hobbit, they’re hard to break…

  17. Erin Storts says:

    I was going to say something witty about Gimli-chunking being reminiscent of Bloodbowl, but forgot it when I read everyone else’s posts.

    Hey, I want an evil ring too! It would go so nicely with my Earrings of Ultimate Power.

  18. Bookworm says:

    Re: Post 80:

    *groooooooaaaannn* *grin*

  19. Harlequin says:

    I’d just like to point out that in Shadowrun, “thrown metahuman” (i.e. tossed dwarf) is considered a valid improvised weapon. There’s a chart listing it in the weapons sourcebook and everything.

    Actually, I guess it means you could throw an elf or an orc, too.

  20. Thomas B says:

    Steve,

    I stand (well, sit, since typing while standing is less than straightforward) in the presence of greatness.

    You’re giving out all these rings and lovely crystal bowling balls. I’m sure if you looked around you might be able to find a flaming whip (size Huge), some oliphants, or maybe even an army of undead to extend your marketing program. I think the secret is in cross-promotion.

    I’m sure you could go on a tour of Middle Earth, hit all the major markets (Gondor, Edoras, the Shire, Rivendell, Osgileath, Umbar, and so on). Bring a good team of PR folks (I hear Orcs are okay, but Haridrim are even better). For the key events, bring your real spin-control experts: The Ringwraiths. Those guys make being dead servants to the might Steveron seem like a virtual paradise.

    There is absolutely no way you could fail to be incredibly succesful. Unless of course your main control ring failed at a key moment, say slipping off and exposing you to archers or being stolen by some delinquent midget or something equally unlikely. But that’s about as likely to happen as a 15 foot tall avatar of evil getting his armoured hand chopped off by a measly human. Pretty far fetched, methinks.

    Good luck and let us know how the ME Tour works out. :0)

    TomB

  21. Turgid Bolk says:

    [quote] In actual fact, the Uruk-Hai with the sparkly is a berserker- hyped-up on rage and/or drugs so he just doesn’t feel pain or fear [/quote]

    Uruk-hai are bred to not feel pain.

    In a real battle, I wouldn’t want to be the guy getting thrown at enemies, even if I was in armor. But that’s the movies for ya. Even in D&D that seems like a really bad idea, and if I was DMing you’d either get batted at with a sword or stabbed through before you could stand up.

    Assuming you somehow found some ground to land on, “wow, you land on your feet. Now you’re surrounded, and 10 orcs take a swing at you. Nice one, shorty.”

  22. Benny says:

    Zing. Second worst moment in the films.

  23. Cynder says:

    I bet the orcs weren’t expecting an assult on Helm’s Deep to turn into a Ranger/Dwarf/Elf circus…

    Now all we need is the King to be there eating and saying, “Hey, what do ya know. Dinner AND a show!”

    1. “Uruk-hai are bred to not feel pain.”

    Well, I didn’t know that’s how you spelt it. I’ve been spelling it as Orakai. you know, Orakai, Oraklow? Meh, tomayto tomahto.

  24. Sam-Chan says:

    I like gimlis comment at the end of the comic – and, yes, I was looking forward to the flying dwarf too^^. thanks by the way!

    SAM

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  29. Arcaine Shaper says:

    Comment 100, just started reading these. I love them they are excellent and quite amusing. Hope the rest continue to be so.

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