For our one-year episode, we wanted to do something really special. We didn’t just want 15 minutes of footage from a game we’ve already talked about or played, so we decided to spoil an entire game, all in one go. We played Amnesia: The Dark Descent for well over an hour, and we made a highlight reel of the result.
Please rise for a message from the hosts:
A year ago today, we put out our first episode, which was was a bit rough. An hour and fifteen minutes of not-particularly-compelling gameplay. It was an all-you-can-eat-buffet of plain oatmeal. But I really love what we’ve done with the show since then. I describe it as, “Like someone having a loud conversation over Skype while you’re trying to watch a horrible television show as filmed by the inebriated one-legged cameraman from The Blair Witch Project, but for videogames”.
We’ve made a lot of changes since then. Shortening the episodes allowed us to make smaller, more disjointed entries, and adding a forth host saved us from all of those times when we only had one person talking. I’m looking forward to year two, when we plan to take spoiling videogames to the next level. My own idea is that we should have three minute episodes, twelve hosts, a rule dictating that we can talk about any videogame EXCEPT the one currently being played, and Josh should edit out or censor anything positive we might accidentally say about any game ever.
I kid. You guys are great. Thanks to Josh for all the hard work editing. Thanks to Mumbles for making the commentary a lot more interesting and much less negative. Thanks to Rutskarn for making puns less often than he could.
When I got the invitation to join the show, my first reaction was, “Spend a day every weekend talking about awful videogames without making a cent of profit off of it? Why would anyone ever, ever want to do that?” And then I thought about it some more, and I decided it was a really stupid idea and told them I wouldn’t. And then I woke up with the head of a horse in my bed. I didn’t even own a horse. I still have no idea where they got it.
You can’t argue with that kind of determination.
Anyway, that was sort of a supervillain moment. I decided that if I was going to be coerced into doing videos on the internet, I might as well use this golden opportunity to reach out to our viewers and really, really hurt them. The drinking game, for example. All of the puns. The singing. Oh god, the singing. You guys don’t know this yet, but my singing voice actually causes serious and malignant mutations down the road. I won’t spoil it, but I hope you’re not too attached to the idea of voluntary sphincter control. I am not myself immune, but that’s a price I’m willing to pay.
Of course, in a Cuftbertian twist, I ended up getting addicted to the whole internet video thing. There was my truncated Dark Messiah LP, for example, followed by the for-money LPery Jibar and I have since been indulging in So I guess I’m sticking around with this thing, at least until Netflix kills the internet and we’re all free for good.
In somewhat more honesty: Shamus, thanks for hosting, Josh, thanks for editing, Mumbles, your face is stupid and smells like a butt, thanks for your positivity.
Back during the Bioshock episodes, I felt like the crazed Paladin of the group. With blurry eyes and a fixed smile, I tried my hardest to defend the honor of a game that the nice little voices in my head seemed to like just great! But, around episode four that all started to fall apart. What with Josh’s constant complaining about dying, Rutskarn’s over the top hipster sarcasm and Shamus calling for good old games all day every day, I lost that sweet ignorant bliss. It’s like when you loved a certain Pokemon, let’s say Rattata, but when you told your friends they all laughed and called him a stupid rat. You don’t realize you hate something until Shamus Young and Co. tell you that you do.
So, now I’m part of the monster that is Spoiler Warning. For all the complaining, all the nitpicking and all the bad puns, there’s always this glimmer of positivity. There’s no doubt that we love games and I think these guys are so harsh because they just want to make them better. It’s like an afterschool special where the bullies are just trying to help you win the swim meet by holding your head underwater in the toilet. At least, that’s what I tell myself at night.
Thanks to Shamus for being the nerdy big brother of the group, always laying down the wisdom before making a fart joke. Josh, for being a grumpy old man who breaks games and makes them cry for their mommy. And Rutskarn for never reading the love poems I sent him. I mean hate poems. I hate that guy.
When I first mentioned to Shamus that Spoiler Warning had its one year anniversary coming up, his reply was, “Really? I thought we must’ve been going for at least two years by now.”
My reaction was the opposite; I still can scarcely believe that we’ve been doing this show, more-or-less non-stop, for an entire year. When I first pitched the “Let’s Play, but with like three people” idea to Shamus, I never imagined we’d ever make it this far. And it’s uncanny how much we’ve improved over that time. Looking back, our first episode was a fuzzy, low-resolution mess with mismatched, terrible-quality audio, lots of awkward pauses, many, many instances of the dreaded “everyone is talking oh god my ears,” and some pretty bad attempts at humor. Now our episodes are in full HD, the audio has much improved (hey you can actually hear Shamus now, imagine that!), and we have far fewer awkward pauses. We still talk over each other – sometimes – but I think we’re getting a lot better about it. And… well, okay, I still make more than my fair share of bad jokes. But everyone else is much more funny than me (at least when I’m not getting killed for trying to play the game like a maniacal, bloodthirsty lemming) so I’d still call that a win.
Everyone in the cast is great, especially for putting up with my oft-slave-driver-esque release schedule. It’s always been great fun working with all of them – and all of you fans and viewers as well. Here’s hoping this next year is even better.
The Witch Watch
My first REAL published book, about a guy who comes back from the dead due to a misunderstanding.
A programming project where I set out to make a Minecraft-style world so I can experiment with Octree data.
The Terrible New Thing
Fidget spinners are ruining education! We need to... oh, never mind the fad is over. This is not the first time we've had a dumb moral panic.
PC Hardware is Toast
This is why shopping for graphics cards is so stupid and miserable.
Why The Christmas Shopping Season is Worse Every Year
Everyone hates Black Friday sales. Even retailers! So why does it exist?