When I DMed I loved doing that sort of thing to the players, make them roll for things they expect to be automatic, like falling out a window. Of course, a lot of the rolls I made them take were for no reason at all other than to keep them guessing about what rolls meant anything.

Ah yes, Nature’s Call, the combat-slowing thing that is never mentioned in the “tips to speed up play” columns. I will mention it.

…drone drone roll all the dice together…dribble drool…learn character abilities before needing to use them…babble…blither…

Tip 14. Do not hold combat for someone giving up their lease on a 2-liter Coke or Big Gulp. Everyone goes to the potty before we start combat, or ends up with their character fighting defensively while their player is incommunicado.

That is one horrible colour for a D20 too. Yech!

Steve.

I have a set of dice that are the precise crystal-orangey color and transparency of Triaminic, the children’s cough tonic many will remember and loathe for its syrupy, mockery-of-orange taste. I have actually had players become ill from looking at them and recalling the taste. Bwa ha ha.

When I was wee lad, I bought a set of clear crystal dice that were un-inked. They were the height of gaming technology at the time (which should give some of you a clue how long I’ve been playing D&D) Sadly, although I was the first kid on the block to get them, I couldn’t actully read my d20 at all. It was like looking at a hunk of rock salt. I haven’t learned yet, either. I just spent $40 on new dice at a con last month. So pretty, my precious. The swirly multi-colored dice with gold ink aren’t hard to read, really!

There was this one guy I knew who had sleep apnea. (I spelled that wrong)

Anyways, he would fall asleep the minute I went beyond one sentance. Like, I opened my mouth to give a nice long descritpion of the scene and *snore*.

Now, I like the guy, he plays his characters pretty bad-ass. When he’s awake.

Needless to say during combat he was asleep for everything but for when his turn come up, where he now reflexively rolls a d20 whenever I call his name.

A player falling asleep during the game is freakin’ annoying, and angering. I just wanted to tell him “Sorry, but I rolled a critical on an attack just now that you missed when you were sleeping. You’re character just got killed.”

It’s mean, but just in the case with this comic, the DMs vengeance is absolute.

I never actually did that, but I did the next worse thing: I told him the game was cancelled due to everyone’s schedules changing and just kept playing without him.

I’m still his friend, and thank god he’s getting his apnea treated by a doctor. I’d love to have him in one of my games again.

Heh, This is just how it happens. I’ve gotten your site IP banned from my school from reading them during class. Good Job.

Nah you can’t penalize people for heading the call of nature. Trust me on this. I don’t care how awesome your game is let the poor man pee. The alternative is having your players crack under the strain and start wearing diapers to the game session. Every wonder why cat piss man(http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Cat+Piss+Man) smells like he does, thats not cat piss you are smelling.

Justify? The Computer,er DM does not need to JUSTIFY anything. He’s just informing the citi- player why his actions may have been considered treas-ummm, dificult.

Slightly off-topic, but I’ve noticed some of the previous comics are being(have been?) updated with new pictures, and even the front art is better now. Good job.

…It had to be said SOMEWHERE.

This harkens back to discussions I’ve had over what exactly a *critical* failure should entail. Some people vote for ‘the worst thing that could happen’, while others expect ‘the opposite of what was intended’, and the two are sometimes contradictory.
For example, trying to avoid combat by knocking someone’s weapon out of their hand. Some GMs will decide the critical failure means you hit the person instead of the weapon (worst thing); others might say your own weapon jams or breaks (opposite). And others just say a failure is a failure: you don’t hit anything.

Personally, I think the GM should decide what will make the game most fun and interesting, and try to be consistant for all cases. If one player’s shooting criticals always result in a broken bowstring, let the same thing happen to the NPC archer (even if he is your favorite villian!). :)

That d20 reminds me of the one included in the intro to AD&D 2e boxed set I have stashed somewhere…

I’ve never really had a problem with calls of nature. If I have to go, I wait until /after/ my turn and I’ve gone, then run off. I have yet to fail to return before my turn comes up again.

What is extremely annoying is the ones who leave one or two turns before their turn, because invariably they won’t be quick enough. So come on people, we all know how long it takes to resolve a combat round – long enough for a dash to the bathroom.

House rules, m’boy. House rules. ^_^

Critical failures make 1′s EXTRA fun.